We invite you to introduce yourselves and share why you chose to join this “experiment” here.
Hello Friends,
My name is Tshombé, named after former present of Katanga and later prime minister of the Democratic Republic of Congo. I have worked at University of Portland for almost 8 years, the last 2 of which I have served as Director of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion.
I became Catholic at the Easter Vigil in 2019, and I am very much looking forward to experiencing these Lenten days leading up to another Great Holy Saturday with all of you.
Stay awake!
This is Emma, at the Simone Weil House in Portland, OR. Bert introduced me to Simone Weil when I moved here in 2020.
Since first reading Weil, I’ve become increasingly aware of something like a second “track” in my mind that diffuses my attention as I go about daily activities that demand my full participation–writing, listening to someone, prayer. This second track could be any number of things – the background humming of a to-do list, thinking through an episode of TV that I watched last week, recalling the details of a past conversation, etc.
One of my hopes for this experiment is to challenge myself to let go of the constant hum of these distractions and experience what it’s like to fully give my attention to the things I value most.
In thinking about the next five weeks, I’m reminded of something an Romanian Orthodox nun told Bert and I on our honeymoon: “The mind is a mill – be careful what you put into it.” In other words, our mind will naturally come back to and work back over the material we give it to work with. I hope over the course of this experiment to heed her advice! And I’m grateful for the opportunities for communal accountability and reflection this group will offer.
My response to your Question 3 concerning SW’s reflection that, “Our soul… has a far more violent repugnance for true attention than the flesh has for bodily fatigue. This is something much more closely connected with evil than is the flesh.”: I have been very familiar with this feeling of repugnance ever since my childhood when my mom subjected me to long, deeply felt, and kindly meant lectures on “being good”. I would be mentally squirming and screaming, and praying for release until often I ardently prayed for the phone to ring so she would stop demanding my attention. That is an example of one kind of evil, an interaction resulting from both her unfulfilled need for attention and my inability to be attentive. Maybe I was too immature for the kind of self-reflection she expected and needed, but even up to the present, I still sometimes pray for the phone to ring when I feel I am experiencing too great a demand on my attention. I hope that our “Attention Experiment” will help me to be less greedy with my attention.
This is David Fikstad. I think I also first became familiar with the Simone Weil House in about 2020. Some of the things I have done include the Agronomic University reading Tolstoy and Dostoevsky. A fabulous experience and definitely something I would not have done on my own. I was also briefly volunteering to help out at the House. That was great, but sadly I never seem to make time for that anymore.
I was super excited about this experiment because I have long been interested in doing more with meditation, but on my own have not managed it. I also really liked the sound of the meta-level challenges: To notice where attention meets emotional resistance…and to examine how a desire to give attention was subverted. That sounds so fascinating! I was so intrigued by it that I tried to suggest to my 16 year-old that she might also be interested in participating. I was quite surprised by the magnitude of her disinterest.
I am a parent of 4 kids, two of whom are currently living at home. Much of my time is spent working at the St. Andrew Food Pantry, where far and away the most useful thing I can do is really listen to people. That’s another reason to be excited about this experiment.
Thank You,
David
Hi everyone, I’m Derek and I was introduced to this experiment by David Fikstad, fellow parishioner of St Andrew.
This experiment really spoke to me as I had recently resolved to grow and deepen my faith and relationship with God. And since I embarked on this journey, my attention has drastically shifted.
TV shows, podcasts, and books that I would engage with on a regular basis are now being shelved for other activities that are occupying my thoughts and attention in a different way. I often find myself in all these activities thinking, “what am I focused on? and what am I feeding my mind?”
Emma’s intro about the Romanian nun reminded me about Proverbs 23:7 and something I heard on Joyce Meyer’s program, what we think and put on our hearts we become that. If give our attention to negative thinking or actions then we become negative and act in negative ways.
Derek, I looked up that quote from Proverbs 7 warning against “eating the bread of a man who is stingy … for he is like one who is inwardly reckoning”, and I found it very apt for this experiment we are entering. The stingy man’s “heart is not with you” – hopefully we will learn not to be stingy with our attention.
Hi everyone, this is Bert. Emma and I organize the Simone Weil Catholic Worker and we’re facilitating this experiment.
Something that seems pertinent to share here is that I have always thought it strange to share Simone Weil in the form of readings that give us access to her perspective on things. Her perspective on things can only be shared to the extent that we share her journey – not just turning our attention to see the same things, but seeking to give our attention to the same extent.
I want to be able to say that I desire to give this sort of attention to Jesus’ Gospel, and to applying myself in the world to the two-fold great commandment… but right now there is more distraction and fear than desire. I want to want to though!
Here’s to helping each other to turn our attention Godwards, as best we can!
Peace to you all,
Bert
Hi everyone, this is Bert. Emma and I organize the Simone Weil Catholic Worker and we’re facilitating this experiment.
Something that seems pertinent to share here is that I have always thought it strange to share Simone Weil in the form of readings that give us access to her perspective on things. Her perspective on things can only be shared to the extent that we share her journey – not just turning our attention to see the same things, but seeking to give our attention to the same extent.
I want to be able to say that I desire to give this sort of attention to Jesus’ Gospel, and to applying myself in the world to the two-fold great commandment… but right now there is more distraction and fear than desire. I want to want to though!
Here’s to helping each other to turn our attention Godwards, as best we can!
Peace to you all,
Bert
Hi AgU friends. This is Mary. I’m very thankful to be joining this Attention Experiment; Simone Weil is a great model of attentiveness to follow. Bert introduced me to her writings at least a dozen years ago, and at first I found them very dense and difficult, before I realized that I would have to increase my own attentiveness by an order of magnitude to appreciate the depth of meaning she mined from the works that she analyzed, e.g., The Lord’s Prayer, The Iliad, etc.
My need to cultivate attention that “will bear fruit in prayer” is especially deep now that I have been asked by someone in California who is recovering from multiple surgeries to pray for her, as she thinks she needs “a miracle” to recover. I texted my answer, “I’ll try”, and then realized that I had committed myself to do something that is beyond my skills of attentiveness and patience. So, since I cannot visit her, I resolved to apply as much attention and forbearance as I possibly can to the people and tasks in my everyday life, which would be some kind of “miracle” if I could persevere with it. I hope I can make some progress by partaking in this experiment and learning from Simone Weil and all of you.
Dears,
My name is Ashby Mary Collinson, and I have been living in Simone Weil’s sister house-Dorothy Day House-since Thanksgiving of 2022. I first was introduced to Simone Weil when I was 16 and experiencing intense suffering from hidden disability. Her work helped me cope, and lead me to become a performance artist, creating a cable access performance piece inspired by her book Gravity and Grace. I am interested in this attention experiment because as a person with late diagnosed autism, I struggle with Pathological Demand Avoidance, which makes participating in the community very challenging. Coming out of a long illness, I started to enjoy plants, and tending to growing things. The attention required has helped me with a tendency towards dissociation. I will need to make dramatic changes to my diet and routine due to hidden disability, and believe that refamiliarizing myself with Simone Weil, and leaning on my community will help me to attain my goal to be attentive to the Divine life inside of me, and tend to new growth with gentleness and a Christ centered love.
Hello, my name is Malcolm Schluenderfritz. I’ve been friends with Bert and Emma for a few years now, and have been participating in the AU project. I read Simone Weil’s essay on attention and school studies a long time ago and it has stuck with me ever since. I tend to be easily distracted, and I hope that this experiment in attention will help me to gain control of my thoughts and desires so that I can be fully present to the people and situations around me.
